in sixth grade my homeroom teacher caught this kid stephen saying, “that’s so gay.”
so he told the class that for the rest of the week, anytime you wanted to express something negatively, you could say, “that’s so stephen.”
and it started out as a joke, where even this stephen kid was going around using it, laughing at it, not really caring. it was funny, i guess.
but then one of his friends got a bad mark on a test and said, “that’s so stephen.”
we had a blacktop recess and everyone kept saying, “that’s so stephen.”
and when we got too loud doing groupwork and had to separate and work silently, everyone in the class kept muttering, “that’s so stephen.”
and the weirdest part was that even though it was just a word we were using, even though it had nothing to do with stephen, we all sort of blamed stephen.
and as everyone kept using “that’s so stephen,” all week, you could see stephen himself finding it less and less funny. we played a game called “pamplemousse” in french class and everyone got stephen out right away if they could. someone literally went and found one of stephen’s art projects when nobody else was around and ruined it so he had to start over.
and when my homeroom teacher found out about it, he sat everyone down and told us that it wasn’t okay to say “that’s so stephen” anymore. that the things we’d been blaming him for weren’t his fault and the things we’d been doing to him weren’t fair.
he told us that stephen couldn’t help it that he was stephen. he didn’t choose to be stephen. he was born stephen.
and that’s when it clicked.
we all felt pretty stupid, i think, for sort of falling for it, but i’ll be damned if i’ve ever had a teacher get a lesson across so utterly and completely as mr. bernard did.
I have been quoting this tiktok for the past two weeks.
This bitch had like 5 accents
transcription:
“you’re a nice guy. (shifts to singsongy british accent) i’ll think about it maybe xo baybeoi uh oh eehjfgoi SHEND HIM KISSHEOIS. i didn’t know i would moive in with his missusWOOOOOT GET A LOIFE WE’RE LIVIN WITH HIS WOIFE like.. (disturbingly serene) what was i meant to do…? ehehehe. (sudden american accent) oh bitch oi seemBUHHURH BREAST KILLA?? mm. HEHEHEHEHEHE (back to british accent) she doied. that’s what she desehves. (sudden new yorker accent) this stoopid princess bitch has been fuckin goin against me since i downloaded this goddamn app. she’s like (peppa pig again) oih you’re heare? no problemm. an- oo OO OOOHOHOHOHOOO OHOHOHOHO HOHOHOWAAAAAAAAA!!!!! ….oh i was first heh!”
the thing is gir from invader zim was right and perfect. on a fundamental level. Everyone wants to laugh but the 00s scene had that pinned 100% correctly. gir is everything
this is literally peak performance. sorry if you disagree. i can’t help you
sometimes i think about how tolkien said golf exists in middle earth and then just never mentioned it again ever
Tolkien invented the absolute sickest and funniest backstory for the game of golf I’ve ever seen and then had none of his characters play or talk about golf in any of his works. the nerve
smoked a joint the sorcerer gave me and experienced life as a 1989 toyota tercel from assembly and production until i was left derelict in a junkyard in baker california oxidizing and rusting for 10,000 years. my favorite part was five hundred years in when a family of armadillos moved in for a few weeks
“Rail only works over short distances” one of the most detached from reality carbrain statements I’ve ever read. Rail is objectively, demonstrably better to cover long distances than it is to cover short distances. Car culture legitimately gives you some kind of brain fungus.
cardan | 26 | he/him big fan of any and all characters named anastasia sdah fan. malachiasz if you're free this thursday and want to hang out, đź’š @deanwinjester